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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Warlock Pinchers

From the desk of: WARLOCK PINCHERS
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am sorry that the delay of mail response is so unruly, and we will try to do better in the future with products and information. I do all of the correspondence myself and it has been out of control lately.

Thanks for your support,


P.S. Send an interview and we'll fill it out...


And so it began. A few days before Halloween 1990, I sealed my own fate by attempting to obtain an interview with the Warlock Pinchers. Following the 1989 release of "Deadly Kung Fu Action" the Warlock Pinchers had caught my attention. A few weeks after each batch of interview questions was sent out to the band, I received packages containing tickets to see their upcoming shows in Colorado, posters, Pinchers merchandise catalogs, photos of the band performing live, an official Warlock Pinchers bookmark, and even an autographed pic of Mindy and Sindy, Satan's Cheerleaders. The Warlock Pinchers were truly generous.

I marveled at the huge variety of Pinchers products they had available. Apparently the band was a marketing force to be reckoned with. They had shirts, stickers, yo-yos, patches, quartz watches (official time of Satan), posters, sweatshirts, keychains, BIC lighters, toy cars, baseball caps, golf tees, skateboards, and for one dollar you could even get an autographed photo of a chicken with a roll in it's butt. The Warlock Pinchers also offered their own laser light show called "Laser Pinchers." I was in awe of these guys. Months later, the requested interview was complete. The Warlock Pinchers are from Denver, Colorado and formed as a group to spite other bands in their local area. They also made it a point to heckle weak pop starts like Tiffany and Morrissey.


The WARLOCK PINCHERS are- King Scratchie, 3 Kord Salad King, Admiral, EE Rok, and Karen Carpenter.

AC- Please tell us a little about each of your musical backgrounds.
KS- No musical background. I listen mainly to rap (Public Enemy, BDP, Special Ed, PoorRighteous Teachers, Ice Cube), and dancehall reggae (Tiger, Shinehead, Tippa Irie, Lt. Stitchie).
3KSK- I've been in several obscure bands. Mr. Butler Died Here - vocals/keyboards, Minus Bill -vocals/keyboards, and Treble King -everything.
Admiral- My only other band was Smedley's Van. I hate all bands except for Gary Numan.
EE Rok- About 8 years ago I was in Urinary Tract Infection.
Karen- No musical background. I only listen to Slayer and Tiffany.

AC- What were the events that resulted in the forming of the Warlock Pinchers as a band?
KS- Me and 3KSK started the band because we hated every local band and we wanted to piss them and their fans off.

AC- How did you get your band name?
KS- When we started as a band, one of the biggest bands in Denver was called "Raw Chip Lockers." We hated them so we stole one of their flyers and rearranged their name so it said "Warlock Pinchers."

AC- What seems to be the focus of the Warlock Pinchers' music and ideas?
KS- The music really has no focus, actually. It just comes together naturally at practice. The focus of the ideas is basically that the music is stupid. I write lyrics about anything I happen to be thinking of at any particular time- whether it be totally slanderous, an inside joke, or politically motivated. It doesn't matter.

AC- What is important to the various members of the Warlock Pinchers?
KS- The only thing that we all deem important is the fact that all racists are complete idiots.

AC- Please tell us about your dealings with Crispin Glover. Why doesn't he show up to practice and record with the band?
KS- We never met Crispin Glover. It's just a big inside joke about Hollywood. Would you show up to practice with complete strangers that call you at all hours of the night?

AC- If the Pinchers had their choice of any famous persons to actually draft into the group, who would they be? KS- Ernest Borgnine.

AC- Could you tell us about the Pinchers experience at the Denver University which the group was banned from ever playing live there again?
KS- We're banned from C.U. (Home of the National Champion Buffs), not D.U. the whole story is too long to get into here.

AC- Are the Warlock Pinchers vindictive and out for blood when somebody does the band a wrongdoing (like that college), or do the Pinchers turn the other cheek and forget about it?
KS- Damn right, we're out for blood. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Never turn the other cheek.

AC- Please tell us about some of the more unusual things that have happened to the various band members since the onset of the group.
KS- At one of our first shows, we were maced. We've been pelted with change by an angry Red Hot Chili Peppers audience who didn't like my making fun of U2. I've been attacked by a skinhead onstage for painting "Fuck Racism" on my chest. Those are our best experiences because it gives me good lyrical ideas.

AC- Do you have any more recorded material available beside Deadly Kung Fu Action?
KS- Yes, Pinch a Loaf LP (out of print), Morrissey Rides a Cockhorse 4 song EP (Europe), and the Circusized Peanuts LP due out in June.

AC- What will your "Circusized Peanuts" LP be like?
KS- It's got some stupid stuff and some more serious stuff. It's a lot different from our other stuff because of the way the lyrics were written. With the other stuff it was me and Andrew who were writing all the lyrics. We'd write them in 10 minutes, but now we don't really hang out together so I spend more time writing the lyrics. A lot of them are just my personal feelings and viewpoints, or anything that's coming from my head. I guess you'd have to listen to it to describe the music. Who knows what we'll sound like in the future. It is the future, after all.

AC- Where did you come up with the name for the new album?
KS- We were just throwing words around, having a little fun. I was thinking of calling it "Sons of Circus Peanuts" because I love circus peanuts, and this guy was there and he was like, "What? Circusized Peanuts!" and that's what happened.

AC- Have you had much success with your marketing of Warlock Pinchers products and accessories?
Karen- Much success.

AC- What will some of the new products be?
Karen- Yo-Yos, glow in the dark keychains, beach towels, lighters, shirts, and more!

AC- Humor seems to be a big influence on your material. How has humor effected your music?
KS- Anyone with no sense of humor is a bastard. The humor on Deadly Kung Fu Action is all inside jokes- so we should be the only ones who get it. We're not comedians. We were trying to amuse ourselves- not other people.

AC- What do you think the Pinchers would be like without humor?
KS- I think Warlock Pinchers without humor would be Morrissey.

AC- Deadly Kung Fu Action contained a lot of blatant but humorous references to Satanism. Was this a direct result of people accusing the Warlock Pinchers of being Satanists?
KS- Yeah, some people called us Satanic. We thought that was kind of humorous because we're all Atheists, so we don't believe in Satan. So we exploited it and blew it way out of proportion.

AC- What do the Pinchers think of Christianity?
KS- I hate all organized religions, though I do support their original meanings. It's just that when a bunch of fools control a religion, it sours the original meaning. I despise today's meaning of Christianity so I don't trust today's Christians, and I enjoy making fun of them. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

AC- Do you think that Kung Fu movies have socially redeeming qualities about them?
KS- Kung Fu was last year's news.

AC- On the album, Deadly Kung Fu Action, Morrissey is the target for some hectic sarcasm and criticism. I'd like to know if the Pinchers have sent a copy of the song "Morrissey Rides a Cockhorse" to Morrissey. In any case, has that song been drawing critical fire towards the Pinchers from Smiths fans?
KS- We didn't send Morrissey a copy 'cos we were afraid he'd cry or kill himself. Maybe we should have sent him a copy, since Judas Priest was acquitted. Yeah, most Smiths fans don't like that song or us. In Denver though, there have been a lot of Smiths records in used record stores lately. I don't see what's so bad about that song. It's just an opinionated attack on one person. We never said people had to agree with us.

AC- As with Morrissey, you made a satirical attack on Tiffany. Why?
KS- We were just having fun. We always used to finish doing a show with a cover. With "I Think We're Tiffany" we would always try to play it as long as possible to make people leave, but it never really worked. So, we decided to record it as long as possible. When you do a cover of a song like that you can't really rap. You just have to sing badly.

AC- How do the Warlock Pinchers view the music industry as a whole?
KS- The music industry is a joke, because music is a joke.

AC- What would the Pinchers say to a big name record label if they wanted to sign up the band?
KS- I'd say "cool" 'cos we're not stupid. You just have to realize that big labels (and small labels) are out for money. I don't think music is an art- at every level it's still a business. A big label just has more distribution.

AC- Why do you feel that music is a business rather than an art?
KS- Well, it's because the music companies own everything. From the studios to the pressing to everything that has to do with every kind of music. In order to actually go out and be a real band you have to make money for somebody. It's pimping yourself out in one way or another, and whether that's good or bad I don't know. I kinda like it.

AC- If music is a business, what do you consider yourself to be? Are you a business man?
KS- I just see myself as someone with a microphone letting off steam. Saying whatever the hell I want to say, and rap I think is the best way to do that. You can do some kind of social commentary, you can do a political speech, you can do anything. To me it's more emotional than anything else. People don't sing their feelings no matter what Morrissey wants to say.

AC- So you feel that rap allows you more freedom?
KS- Yeah. You can fit a lot more words into a song, and you can say whatever you want to say. Whatever you do talking, you can do rapping.

AC- You recently did an interview with Maximum Rock n Roll. Was the group happy with the way it came out in print, or no? Does that interview accurately reflect the Warlock Pinchers' image?
KS- I'm just upset that we didn't really know we were doing an interview. We were just talking with a guy who happened by recording us. It was no image. On the plus side, we did get a couple of lies in print. It was really a better conversation than an interview.

AC- Also, in that interview the band briefly discussed homophobia, but was unclear on their opinions about the subject. Are the Warlock Pinchers homophobic?
KS- Warlock Pinchers are not homophobic. That whole thing came about from the line "ball-flapping dicksucker" in "Morrissey Rides a Cockhorse." First of all, I meant that he flaps his own balls. Secondly, anything I don't like "sucks a dick." If the weather is cold, I say the weather sucks a dick. I don't like Morrissey, so I say he sucks a dick. It's more of an expression of contempt than anything else. Thirdly, not much else rhymes with "motherfucker."

AC- What do the Pinchers think of people who are homophobic?
KS- I'm all for minority rights, women's rights, gay rights, etc. Everybody is human and deserves basic rights. Gays deserve not to be discriminated against. Basically, every homophobic person is a ball-flapping dicksucker.

AC- How did the Pinchers get their own Satanic cheerleaders?
Karen- We created cheerleaders so bored people would have something to watch.

AC- What do the Warlock Pinchers consider to be cool and uncool?
Karen- Cheerleaders are out, Clowns are in.

AC- What are your favorite cartoons?
KS- Bullwinkle, Underdog, and the Simpsons.
Karen- Jem and the Holograms.

AC- How did your January 4-5, 1991 performances at Gilman St. in Berkeley go?
KS- We had a great show at Gilman St., but we got kind of ripped off 'cos they claimed we were "not a touring band." They said we were in San Francisco to record so in effect we were a local band for 2 weeks. We played shows out in San Francisco in order to pay for our gas, not lavish hotel rooms- that's what Salt Lake shows are for. The sound at the Women's Building (in S.F.) was terrible. I didn't like that show, though the money did kind of make up for Gilman. I just wish that we had gotten as much as the other opening bands at Gilman. Most people were there to see L7, so I have no beef about them getting most of the money.

AC- So what's the deal with the almost-identical logos of the Oakland Raiders and the Warlock Pinchers? Has the band been hassled by the NFL about it?
Karen- No.

AC- Anything else? If so, it goes here.
KS- I ate a moth for 50 cents.
Karen- I look better in a skirt than most girls- I think they resent me for that.


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Anonymous Ilean said...

I was briefly a Satan's cheerleader:) 1989 "Sindy" wore our hair HUGE, torn up fishnets, sharpened fake nails and rocked out on stage with the band. Amazing energy the Warlock Pinchers created! Only odd thing was one of the band members collected people's hair, cut off thin braid from both me and "Mindy" lol!! Good times!

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Bakla said...

I love the Warlock Pinchers, thanks for the interview... I wonder if I can find a fat guy Warlock Pinchers shirt

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